Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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