whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
