Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
