i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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