He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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