Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
