in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
