I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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