dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
