I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
