'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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