So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
