I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
