Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize