We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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