I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
