i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
