i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
