You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
