Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
