Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
