did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
