I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize