It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
