what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
