I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
