How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
