How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
