She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
