Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
