Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
