i don't like sucking hair
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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