She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
