i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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