Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize