People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
