I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
