I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
