i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
