Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
