So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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