I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
