Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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