The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
