I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
