i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize