Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
