his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize