Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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