she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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