So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
