Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
