If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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