My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's blow job season.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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