no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
