i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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