we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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