I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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