i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
