I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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