Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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