he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
