Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
