I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
