Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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