Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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